Near, far, wherever you are
On glasses, anglerfish, and parasitic LinkedIn influencers
The day has come.
For months, I’ve been increasing the font size of my Kobo in a way that screams “This woman is no longer in the prime of her youth,” or “Read over this old hag’s shoulder.”
Now, 3 months after my thirtieth birthday, I am buying my first pair of reading glasses.
Practically a death sentence.
A reminder that none of us are immune to the cruel and unrelenting passage of time.
We all must keep swimming toward inevitable doom...
…Just like the black seadevil anglerfish captured on video near the ocean’s surface.
That’s right! I am, yet again, here to tell you about a strange creature.
Move over, drug-thieving rats!
Step aside, orcas wearing dead salmon hats!
Get outta here, basement full of eels!
Not now, iguanas who hate women!1 (iykyk)
Today’s newsletter is an homage — nay, a shrine — to the little anglerfish that could.
Last week a female anglerfish (the ones with the lure that lights up) swam over 15,000 feet from the deep to die in the shallows.
Scientists aren’t sure why, but the best guess is that she was sick, injured, or ate a fish filled with so much gas that she floated to the top (humiliating).
I should mention that this fish was tiny.
Based on my extensive research of Finding Nemo, I assumed anglerfish were cat-sized. I pictured them like really scary loaves of bread at the bottom of the ocean.
In reality, they are less than 7 inches long.
Picture the world’s ugliest hamster with a reading light stuck to its head. That’s what we’re working with, here!
It would have taken so long for her to emerge from the pitch-black abyss and into the sunlight. I cannot stop imagining her swimming up and up and up with her teeny weenie little fins.
The determination!
The effort!!
She is the Terry Fox of fish!!!
Naturally, her story has taken the internet by storm. Just look at this fan art that I may or may not have already purchased as prints for my home (sorry, Mark):
Are you kidding me right now?
This is the most emotional image I have ever seen. The video version with music is even more gut-wrenching.
I simply cannot cope.
I have extensively cried over this fish in ways my therapist will most definitely have follow-up questions about.
If the image wasn’t enough, come sob with me through the comment section:
This has me inconsolable.
I don’t even think there’s an afterlife, but the thought of Steve Irwin greeting this butt-ugly fish like she’s the most stunning creature he’s ever seen in heaven is enough to make me a believer.
Are y’all moved by this story, too?
Or am I having a breakdown???
Because I am literally looking up relevant Oscar Wilde quotes about this fish:
"Never regret thy fall, O Icarus of the fearless flight, For the greatest tragedy of them all, Is never to feel the burning light.”
Tell me this isn’t the most devastating thing you’ve ever read!
Fish-carus, I love you.
I am bracing for the worst person I know to co-opt this story for a LinkedIn post about Atomic Habits or the power of automated prospecting for B2B software sales.
LinkedIn influencers cannot help themselves.
They are bottom feeders.
They will take everything and turn it into inspiration to grind harder.
You’ll see this tiny fish’s journey saddled next to hashtags like #motivationMonday and #smallstepsbigimpact
I see it coming, and I’m here to beat them to the punch:
Writing can feel like an endless swim.
The mountain of a book project is overwhelming, and the prospect of building an audience is deeply uncomfortable.
I clickity clack clickity clack clack clack on these keys every week without always knowing the point.
…Today, a newsletter no one reads.
…Tomorrow, a few hundred words for the novel that’s consumed me for years.
…This week, 30,000 follow-up emails that my clients ignore.
…Next weekend, a typo correction on the newsletter that a few of you did actually read but couldn’t enjoy because I made a thousand mistakes.
I am but a tiny anglerfish, beating my little fins on my keyboard until death.
It’s easy — too easy — to be intimidated by the amount of amazing writing that already exists.
There is a vast ocean of words.
Better words than my words.
The best words ever written!
And also, a lot of bad ones! But with larger and brighter marketing budgets to lure fish away from ever finding my writing, anyway.
How could I ever expect to write something of value when we are drowning in pages and pages and pages of other people’s work?!?
Luckily I have new reading glasses to help me focus on what’s in front of my face! (Bet you didn’t see that full-circle moment coming)
Between this new prescription and my existing one for distance, every day I can choose: Do I want to look far ahead? Or examine what’s immediately up next?
Should I dwell on the size of the ocean? Or just keep swimming / hustling / grinding / LinkedIn-fluencing until the pressure kills me?
I like to scroll Pinterest for inspiration when I hit a snag with my writing.
My home feed is like an EEG of all the ideas swirling through my brain. In rapid succession, I’ll scroll past:
…An offensive baby tee
…The top 34 “healthy” protein cookie recipes
…SALE ALERT! Your previously Pinned serving dish in the shape slug is now 15% off
…A Patrick Bateman meme about dissociating covered in heart emojis
…12 oil paintings of rotting garbage.
…A mid-century modern colour palette
This algorithm has spent decades figuring me out. Each pin is like a dot in a pointillist painting. Together, they create a portrait that is both fascinating and concerning.
Whether you see it close up or far away, it’s still the portrait of an insane woman.
The variety reminds me that I have more interests than just writing (ie: slug-shaped ceramics). My current projects are two deep seas in a world of obscure obsessions.
They are 2 To-Dos in a much longer list that keeps me moving forward and evolving my creative process.
When I focus on the tasks in front of me today…
Finish this article ✅
Dance rehearsal for my show in July ✅
Squeak in a few words for my book project
Clean the house
…It’s easy to forget what those same tasks become with my distance lenses on. 5 years ago…
This newsletter didn’t exist
I had just started dancing
Writing a book was pipedream
Owning a home seemed impossible
I have to hope that, up ahead, there’s a blazing light waiting.
One that’s brighter than I’ve ever dared to wish for.
Not to rope Celine Dion into another ocean-based tear-jerker, BUT… Near, far, wherever you are on your swim, I hope this tiny anglerfish can serve as a beacon of inspiration for you, too.
Also, book an eye exam!
You’re probably due.
Last thought:
A quick list for your TBR
Should I bring the iguana article back? Do y’all even remember that???