Happy Sunday!
It’s the end of May and summer is nigh!
After coining Olivia Summer 2025, I feel compelled to christen 2026 with a theme.
This year was obvious. Summer 2026 is about nostalgia.
It’s about girls’ nights.
It’s about dancy slutty.
It’s about keeping boyfriends out of the club.
It’s about overconfidence.
It’s about cancelling travel plans.1
It’s about using complex vocal runs to instigate conflict.
It’s about impractical stilettos, fake tans, and bare midriffs.
It’s, of course, a Pussycat Dolls summer!
There is something so funny about releasing a new single with ad-libs like, “PCD forever, baby” and “we’re back,” only to cancel the entire North American tour a month later…That’s more iconic than any stadium chair dance could have hoped to be.
I aspire to this level of self-assured delusion!
PCD forever, indeed!
My 26-item bucket list for 2026
Find a pair of denim shorts that don’t make me nauseous with insecurity
A feat I haven’t been able to achieve in 31 years. Maybe this is my time!
Flip my sassy little bob around at an outdoor concert
The PCD Forever tour cancellation left a void in my summer calendar, and I am frothing at the mouth for the next hair-whipping opportunity.
Redo our shed
I won’t be doing this personally, but I’ll oversee my husband’s work. What’s the point of owning a backyard if not to sit in a bikini and watch men do physical labour? How else are we using this space???
Do a Toronto indie book store tour
Who’s down? We can treat it like a pub crawl! Maybe this will turn into a bob-flipping occasion! We must always allow for the possibilty or spontaneous slutty-dancing…
Party in Vegas with Flavor Flav
Hilariously, not a stretch goal, but a real, actual thing happening in my work life. Clock it.
Patron a local kid-owned lemonade stand
Your annual reminder to support local, small businesses(even if they directly oppose child labour laws)!
Take a hot picture in a bikini
Self-explanatory.
Read the local paper every week
Beach Metro has been one of the unexpected joys of moving to the east end. When was the last time you read about a local high school bake sale? What about small business profiles? Or the architectural history of buildings in your neighbourhood? There is so much to be learned from community-centric news.
Go to every patio on the Beach Metro “Patios in the Beach” list, including Pizza Nova, which feels like a stretch, but okay
Release myself from the shackles of counting protein
Enough is enough! I’m putting my foot down! I can no longer live my life doing mental math at every meal. I must unlearn the caloric density of my snacks! I must abolish the mini food scale! DEATH TO TRACKING APPS!
Go on a boat and remember to bring Gravol
Nothing undercuts the boating aesthetic quite like motion sickness.
Listen to the new Ariana Grande album without developing an attitude problem
Easier said than done. Yuh.
Stop hiding my Substack like a teeny tiny little wimp
Every year, I say I’m going to share more of my writing. Every year, I chicken out. But it’s 2026! We have PCD ad-libbing confidence! Let’s go, dolls!
Have a weekly morning coffee on the beach with my husband
Just nice, wholesome, family time.
Wake up with my first alarm
This is my personal Mt. Everest. I am down to two morning snoozes and absolutely hating it. If you have tips, drop ‘em in the comments.
Find a way to make more of my writing physical
I spend all this time click-clacking on computer keys, and would love a tangible archive of my work. Maybe via a local ‘zine contribution, a My Side Piece Snail Mail Club, a Beach Metro submission, or a good old-fashioned mental-breakdown-infused wall scribble…Any would do!
Taste test a Christian energy drink
And on the 8th day, God said, “Let there be taurine.”
Set up an easel on my front porch so I can paint with an oversized white shirt, no pants, and a joint
This is a sneaky double goal. First, it will encourage me to spend more time on my painting practice. More importantly, this is a performative manic pixie dream girl aesthetic purposefully developed to piss off my boomer neighbour...
Obnoxiously run through a sprinkler
The ultimate activity for kids and manic pixie dream girls alike. It’s important to double down! My neighbour loves to monitor the neighbourhood, and I’ll give him a show, goddammit! There will be no mercy!!!
Put up the funky wallpaper I bought three years ago
I had a vision, and it’s important that I see it through.
Summon some worms
Why the heck not?
Dust the baseboards
If I don’t keep this on the list every year, I’ll never do it. The demands of family life are ever-present.
Have one single flight depart and arrive on time
Please. For the love of God. I’ll do anything!
Revisit old creative writing files
Listen, we all have to clean out the attic sometimes. My Notes app is a scary place. My desktop is full of dusty, dusty drafts. Maybe there’s some treasure hidden with the trash! Probably not…. but I can’t keep this digital clutter forever.
Start and quit the Artist’s Way (again)
A creative person’s rite of passage
Support Gary in his weight loss journey
Being a cat owner isn’t always glamorous! Gary is on track to lose 2 pounds by September 14th. He doesn’t like this plan, but he also can’t feed himself, so his options are limited.
If you got this far, you are now my accountability buddy. Surprise!
I am literally begging for someone to please just grade me on something. Help me live my dream of being an A student forever!
I’ll even cut you a deal!!
Let me know what’s on your list, and we can keep each other honest. Maybe we can even cross a few items off together.
Teamwork makes the dream work, amiright?!?!
Last Thought
Because of the looming war, jet fuel shortages, and the public’s general disinterest in our antics.