Yucky spooky lobster groundhogs
👻 🦞📚 Everything I read in April
Whoops!
I accidentally took three weeks off…
Me!
This girl!!!
The same girl who cried if her homework was late.
The same girl who once listed “being punctual” as her best quality in an empowerment-themed dance class.
The same girl who wrote a blog post during her honeymoon.1
Clearly, I am becoming something new.
Something dangerous.
A bad bitch.
The type of woman who can say: “You know what? I’m too stressed to write today. I’ll just profusely apologize in next week’s article. Do you think that’s okay??? Will everyone hate me!?”
To which my husband will say, “No one will hate you.”
And I’ll proceed to mentally freak out for 15 minutes about the point of this blog and if anyone cares about what I have to say and that maybe I would be better off just quitting everything, deleting social media, and going back to school to become a plumber so that I can work with my hands and never look at a screen ever again...
‘Tis the season, after all.
My seasonal depression has officially left the building, and I am ready for a spring refresh.
I have new highlights in my hair, a hot pink pedicure on my toes, and I’m on day four of Jergens Natural Glow moisturizer.
Despite the orange tint between my fingers, you can’t tell me shit.
I can do anything.
I am not of this Earth anymore.
I am a bird.
I am from the heavens
I am Katy Perry singing What a Wonderful World to Gayle King during their 3-minute space adventure, convinced that all of womankind will accept me as their queen when I land.
Though I’m objectively very hot right now, most of my time away has not been fresh, flirty, or fun.
I’ve been neglecting My Side Piece for my main gig (the kind that pays me real money).
A tale as old as time, really.
How sustainable is it to have multiple relationships on the go?? Eventually, something has to give.
April had me thinking a lot about my blogging endurance.
Is this finally the moment I say ‘adios’ to Substack and use my weekends to feel the rain on my skin since no one else can feel it for me and only I can let it in??
Don’t let the typos, run-on sentences and niche topics fool you: My Side Piece takes work.
It’s not labour of love, exactly… More like an insanity harvest.
This is where I get the kinks out. Where I play and try new things.
It’s also the part of my process that helps me feel like a real writer with a real readership.
Without this blog, my writing would have no witnesses.
You don’t see the novel I’m working on in the background.
You aren’t invited to my early morning wordcount/freakout sessions.
You aren’t privy to the incoherent plot texts I send myself throughout the day, like these:
Or these…
Or this really confounding one…
If no one reads my writing, how can I still feel like a writer?
If Katy Perry goes to space without a PR tour, did she even advance womankind??
If I’m not posting essays about toilet seats, incest, or cicadas, how will anyone believe I’m an artist??!?!?
Basically, I need this outlet to feel good about my creative self.
My Side Piece is my emotional support blog.
It exists purely to unleash the strangest parts of my artistic nonsense, and I am dumbfounded that any of you want to be along for the ride.
Thank you for being here and bearing with all of my chaos. We’re going to bend this shit until it breaks!
No more funny business!! We’re back on schedule!!!
Onto the books..
The theme of my April reading was ‘yucky spooky,’ meaning cannibalism, full body skin-shedding, ghosts, and ritual sacrifice.
A.k.a., the usual Easter fare.
🥩 The Lamb, Lucy Rose (4.5)
A dark fairy tale about a cannibalistic mother-daughter duo
I loved this book. It was haunting, grotesque, and oddly moving?? Lucy Rose dared to ask, “What would it be like to be raised by a cannibal?” and I think she nailed it. Plus, I have not stopped thinking about this review:
🇺🇸 11/22/63, Stephen King (2)
A time travel adventure surrounding the JFK assassination
Well…it was almost about the JFK assassination. A solid 2% of the book was at least… The rest was a dude’s fantasy about how fun it would be to live in the 1960s with 2011 money and hindsight.
Stephen… I have tons of respect for you. You are the GOAT of contemporary horror. You wrote one of the best craft books of all time. You almost got divorced because of your deep love for Mambo No. 5. In so many ways, you are my hero.
This book, however, almost brought me to the brink. Why was this so long??? Why were there pages of diarrhea commentary and only two lines about segregation??? I can forgive a lot for a cool premise, but two things I cannot get past are poop talk and unnecessary page count.
🦌 Brat, Gabriel Smith (2)
A haunted house story about grief and featuring a full-body skin shed.
This was supposed to be a horror novel infused with deadpan humour. On both counts, I found it fell flat — not because of the writing style, but because of the plot. Too many vibes, not enough story.
🎨 Voice like a Hyacinth, Mallory Pearson (3)
A group of friends turn to ritual sacrifice to better their chances in art school
I wanted to love this book so much. The beginning was amazing — atmospheric, colourful and engaging — but it lost me by the second act. The setting, premise, and characters hooked me, but something was missing in the connective tissue. Overall, I felt like the horror elements were glossed over, the metaphors weren’t fully realized, and the ending was too clean. GAH I WANTED THIS TO BE A 5 SO BAD.
🏚️ Model Home, Rivers Solomon (5)
A modern haunted house story touching on racism in American suburbs
Wowzers, did I ever love this book. This is the first novel I’ve read by Rivers Solomon, and I feel a deep dive coming…. The writing! So gritty!! So dark!!!
A lot of Goodreads reviewers didn’t love the ending, and I totally get why. Horror novels tend to fall apart in the third act because explanations ruin the magic (ex: Scooby Doo is more interesting when the haunting is real and not a disgruntled person with a mask). Personally, I thought the reveal worked, but I’d love to hear your thoughts! If you’re into stories about trauma and ghosts, pick this one up and send me a dm!!
Last Thought:
Me reading back my own newsletters….
Epilogue
What did you read this month?
Anything I should add to my TBR?
Do you agree with my reviews!? Tell me I’m right! Tell me I’m wrong! Send me hate mail! Engage, god dammit!
I wish I were joking…