Brothers, Basil! Brothers!
The White Lotus incest wasn't that bad and you all need to chill
Happy The White Lotus Finale Day to all those who celebrate!
My Sundays have vastly improved by watching those three white women gossip under the looming threat of monkeys, guns, and Parker Posey’s accent.
To honour the end of season 3, I’m here to rehash everyone’s favorite storyline: the brotherly handjob.
That’s right!
We’ve finally pivoted this newsletter away from rats and eels only to land on incest.
I am who I am.
Whether or not you’re watching the show, you’ve likely heard about this season’s sibling drama.
In short, two brothers did some hand stuff during a threesome on their family vacation.
The scandal! The indecency!
For a couple of weeks, I’ve let the online commentary slide.
I’ve seen memes, think pieces, and social deep dives all talking about how depraved the show is. Everyone wants to scream from the rooftops that they, too, found the whole incest plot super duper yucky.
And you know what? I call bullshit.
You weren’t disgusted because they were siblings.
You were disgusted because they were men.
I know, I know, I know.
I can feel you protesting through the screen.
But JAMIE! Incest is BAD!! Who even CARES that they’re men?!? It’s disgusting because they’re BROTHERS!!!!
I hear you, and I agree.
We’ve just never seemed to care about incest before?
Everyone remembers Game of Thrones, but let me re-introduce you to twins Fook Mi and Fook Yu of Austin Powers fame.
Ya.
Remember this?
Puts that little White Lotus handy into perspective, doesn’t it?
Hot sisters — specifically twins — are objectified constantly. For some reason, this type of incest is allowed.
Nay! It’s encouraged!
Sexy twincest has been played as the ultimate male fantasy for decades. The trope was commonplace and palatable enough for 1980s Doublemint gum ads: “A double pleasure is waiting for you.”
But why stop with comedies and commercials when you can fetishize real-life twins????
Lest we forget The Girls Next Door - a reality show about Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends, featuring then 18-year-old twins Kristina and Karissa Shannon.
There’s not enough Lorazepam in the world for me to forget all of the 18th birthday countdown clock websites that sprung up for the Olsen twins.
As recently as 2020, Jessica and Eve Gale were cast as Love Island contestants, and every man lost his damn mind over the potential of getting with twins.
Those weren’t HBO shows.
Those were real dudes wanting to have sex with real twins.
And none of y’all said shit! Everyone accepts that it’s totally normal for men to be yearning for an incestuous threesome.
If the White Lotus scene was made with sisters, everyone would have loved it. We would have seen a surge in people re-watching Cruel Intentions 2. People would have made Challengers-inspired memes about how lucky that dude was. The episode would have been touted as masterful and risqué storytelling.
But god forbid a woman objectifies two brothers!
These fictional characters get a little freaky, and suddenly we’re all stressed and offended about incest???
Grow up!
I think you’re all liars anyway.
There. I said it.
I’m so sorry that I’m about to make this argument, but who among us was not thirsting after both Supernatural brothers???
Look me dead in the eyes and tell me that you wouldn’t.
I dare you.
If you’re not into it, there’s an entire fan fic community that is. They’ve taken this fantasy so far that they’ve coined the term ‘Wincest’ (yikes).
The point is that The White Lotus is far from the only outlet talking about incest. It’s not glorifying sex with siblings the way every other example I’ve pulled for this article does…
In that respect, it’s somewhat progressive (ie, filled with complicated emotions, regret, and discomfort). Especially when compared to the surge of ‘fauxcest’ porn available.
If anything is a mirror for humanity, it probably (and depressingly) is Pornhub.
One quick glance at the home page has enough ‘step-sibling’ videos to make it loud and clear that some of y’all doth protest too much over that one scene.
According to Pornhub’s 2024 year in review (which is one of the most fascinating articles I’ve ever read) “Step Mom” is the 11th most searched term.
Is this not more unsettling than the episode???
Not to yuck anyone’s yum, but like????
Why are we so mad about The White Lotus when the general population is wanking it simulated incest????
Interestingly, ‘fauxcest’ is more popular in conservative states. The more sexually repressed people are, the more they need to up the ante with extreme and taboo content.
So…
I guess what I’m really saying is…
Welcome to Trump’s America!
The worse it gets politically, the worse it will get incestuously.
These must be the old-fashioned family values everyone talks about.
Right?!?!
Just something else to look forward to as we catapult toward the collapse of society…
Anyway! I’m looking forward to tonight’s finale and can’t wait to see what happens between these brothers. According to The White Lotus creator Mike White,
“I don’t want to write identity coming-of-age stories. I’m not interested in someone coming out,” he added. “I like something that feels kind of naughty, which is the opposite of that. I also want to make the wider audience complicit in those stories so that they’re suddenly going down this wormhole with me.”
Touché, Mike.
We’re deep in the mud with you, that’s for sure.
Last Thought
The crossover meme I needed.
Hanging Questions
Are you watching tonight??!
Any fan theories?
Anyone else as obsessed with Walton Goggins as I am???