Wine-tasting rats and the ever-present Salesforce cage
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Squeak, squeak, squeak, my little freaks!
I am — once again — sending an email about rats.
Nothing compels me to write more than an unusual creature exhibiting an unusual behaviour.
Despite this newsletter’s sexy branding, this is and will forever be a space for me to talk about rodents, bugs, and eels.
aka: Your Sunday morning Vermin Sermon…
ANYWAY
Last month, scientists discovered that rats can distinguish between two white wine varieties.
Nine rats — Badger, Darren, Edison, Hero, Lionel, Peanuts, Shrodinger, Shaun, and Thomas — were tasked with sniffing the difference between Riesling and Sauvignon Blanc samples in exchange for tasty, tasty treats.
Saldy, Peanuts could not figure it the f*ck out.
But! Everyone else took to the white wine like a bachelorette party in Prince Edward County.
Better, even!
Because they actually could tell the difference between the wine and no one cried, drunk texted an ex, fell off a bike, or started passive-aggressively posting in the group chat over the Splitwise costs…
I personally cannot stop thinking about the experiment setup:
They built a tiny, personalized Costco sampling station for rats!
He’s in a miniature, one-rat-only gelato shop, testing all the flavours!
The lazy Susan drive-through window is a masterpiece to behold. What ingenuity! What craftsmanship!
And for what??
What do we gain from teaching rodents about wine tasting?
Is there a practical use case for this?
Can they be employed by the LCBO?
Are we starting a new rodent-focused entity for booze control? The Liquor Creature Board of Ontario???
This mystery has led me to a new Sunday morning Google search low:
According to the study, the rats’ ability to distinguish between the wines proves they can conceptualize and categorize without language.
Science has traditionally assumed that our communication allows us to draw distinctions that non-linguistic creatures cannot.
Example: You can spend a bunch of money and a bunch of time learning how to sniff out wine varietals from someone who has already spent a bunch of money and a bunch of time distilling this skill.
The rats — by contrast — figured this out in isolation.
Besides that idiot, Peanuts, they could reliably classify the wine within 20s of smelling each sample.
So the lesson is: Most people are no better at wine tasting than the average rat.
Something to consider the next time you order a bottle for the table….
Well… That’s all for this week!
As much as I would love to continue giggling in your inbox about various creatures (did you hear about the Worm Blood Moon this week???), I have a ton of work to do for my real job.
….Not that this newsletter isn’t real, but it’s surely not paying the bills…
SO! Sugar Mama has to venture into the deep, dark mines of Salesforce to keep this hobby afloat.
Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a (corporate) cage:
Sending a virtual cheers to all of you! With a rat-approved Reisling, of course.
Last thought:
Me sending out this newsletter while my work inbox overflows:
