Airplane lusting and menopausal horror
🏠🔬🩸🪙✈️ all the weird shit I read in July
Happy Sunday!
For the first time ever, my press-on nails have lasted a full week.
I am aghast.
Who knew that following the instructions would yield better results!?! Not I!
Having cute nails changes my entire demeanour. For once I possess the hands of a woman and not a grubby little chimney sweep.
I’m waving my fingers around like that guy with hands for eyes in Pan’s Labyrinth.
I’m pulling on socks with the care of Edward Scissorhands.
I’m clickity clacking on my keyboard like a glittery Nosferatu.
Alas, the longer my nails are, the more typos I find.
These fake-manicured hands are meant to be seen, not heard read.
Sadly, my opinions simply must be blasted onto the internet. And so we persevere.
Onto the books
The theme of my July reading was ‘straight up concerning,” meaning I haven’t been able to discuss any of these books in polite conversation all month.
I fear I have strayed so far away from Reese’s Book Club that I may never be excited for a celebrity casting announcement ever again…
Then again, what is better summer reading than a reincarnated cult leader using the edge of a porcelain figurine to cut off women’s faces??
What else would you pack on vacation if not a novel featuring sexy blood play and an army of decomposing vampire-zombies???
What makes a good beach read besides a story about a woman masturbating on commercial flights in the hopes of climaxing during a plane crash????
I’m curating a Kobo library so foul, so despicable, so unsettling, that it might be time to start a serious BookTok account (iykyk)…
🏠 Listen To Your Sister, Neena Viel (3)
A sister trying to protect her two brothers accidentally creates multiple murderous versions of herself.
Starting strong with yet another horror novel that I wanted to love, but couldn’t. Unlike other books that have been compared to Jordan Peele’s work, Listen To Your Sister delivered on the smart premise and comedic voice. The concept of sacrificing parts of your identity to be a caregiver was fresh and memorable, but the execution was messy. Many scenes were rushed or confusing, the writing was overrun by adjectives, and I wanted more from the settings (especially in the dreamscape sections). Shoutout to this Goodreads reviewer for pulling one of the more egregious lines from the book…
🔬 Blood Over Bright Haven, M.L. Wang (4)
The first-ever woman to enter the High Magistry uncovers the secret cost of magic with the help of her janitor-turned-assistant.
No spoilers in this review because I think everyone should read this book!
I love a standalone fantasy. I love an allegorical, politically relevant text. I love a romantic subplot. Somehow this book manages to touch on sexism, racism, environmental concerns, and violent protesting, while also establishing a fully realized magical world complete with clear rules, systemic corruption, and nepotism. This is a great title for new-to-fantasy readers (and also my mom! You asked for a recommendation, and I think you might like this).
🩸 Mary: An Awakening of Terror, Nat Cassidy (3.5)
A middle-aged woman starts hallucinating and hearing voices as she enters perimenopause
Nat Cassidy won me over with his sincere author’s note. I wasn’t expecting a man to dive into menopausal horror, but his preface set a great tone and emphasized how much Carrie inspired him to write this novel. Sadly, I didn’t love this book.
The beginning started with so much promise: Mary can’t look in the mirror or at other women her age without watching their faces decompose, and every doctor she sees tells her her symptoms are ‘textbook’ perimenopause.
This setup could have built to a Carrie-esque female rage finale, and it would have been enough for me! Instead, there were a bunch of additional narrative strands, including a reincarnated serial killer and a religious cult, that I thought distracted from the best parts of the menopause metaphor (although there was a ritual scene with heavy misogynistic themes that will stick with me forever). TLDR: I wish the auther had narrowed the scope of this project, and I need more horror novels about menopause. Please and thanks!
🪙 Quicksilver, Callie Hart (4)
A faerie/vampire romantasy featuring a talking metal substance, a pet fox, and a male lead inexplicably named Kingfisher.
Alright y’all. We did it! We found another romantasy that didn’t piss me off! Was it perfect? No. Did the writing amaze me? Also no.
However! The world was interesting! The pacing was great!! The side characters were delightful and not annoying!!! The obligatory morally grey and tattoo-covered shadow daddy came with a bonus mental illness!!! This is exactly the kind of addictive fun I want injected straight into my veins!!!!
Unfortunately, we do have to discuss the cover. While I might enjoy some spicy fae fun, I would rather not scream it to the world so blatantly. Whatever happened to shame??? If adult stores can give out unbranded shopping bags, we can create more discreet covers! Sex positivity and all that ya ya ya, but for the love of god, I don’t want to traipse about town with a horny-looking cartoon man on my book…
✈️ Sky Daddy, Kate Folk (4)
Speaking of shame…For this one, I must use the actual synopsis:
Linda knows that she can’t tell anyone she’s sexually obsessed with planes—nor can she reveal her belief her destiny is to “marry” one of her suitors by dying in a plane crash, thereby uniting her with her soulmate plane for eternity. But when an opportunity arises to hasten her dream of eternal partnership, and the carefully balanced elements of her life begin to spin out of control, she must choose between maintaining the trappings of normalcy and launching herself headlong toward the love she’s always dreamed of.
I won’t lie: I really liked this book.
I know I know I KNOW! But hear me out… Sky Daddy was more of a dark comedy than its description led on. What I thought would be uncomfortable object-based erotica was actually a sweet story about a troubled woman making friends. The story is anchored by a healthy recognition that her sexual fixation is abnormal, and we’re slowly given enough backstory about her childhood (aka daddy issues) to make it make sense. While bizarre — a major plot point is the protagonist’s belief that her quarterly vision boards are altering the universe — the story was also heart-warming??? And, more importantly, it was hilarious!
I figured none of you would trust me on this, so I pulled quotes. Sky Daddy has workplace humour:
“It was unclear whether we were meant to eat the bagels or if they were merely the mascots of the meeting, and so they remained untouched.”
Honest interiority:
“And Judy, with the long neck.”
“Judy’s my best friend from high school.” Karina paused. “I don’t think her neck is that long, is it?”
“I suppose not,” I said to be polite, though Judy’s neck was indeed freakishly long.
Incredible comparison of the other women in her outer circle (who hasn’t felt like this in another woman’s home?)
“I emptied my bladder into Esme’s chic black toilet. The dimmer switch was turned low. A cone of incense burned on a ceramic plate set on the toilet’s tank. Beneath the sink sat a metal wastebasket the size of a juice glass, within which lay a single, seemingly unsoiled cotton ball. The sight of the tiny trash can filled me with self-loathing. Compared to the women of the VBB, I felt like a soiled tissue deposited in a seatback pocket. The universe had shone favourably upon them, bestowing them gifts like this condo and Nikki’s robust infant. I hoped the secretion of their success would ooze onto me.”
Commentary on visionboarding in general that genuinely made me lol:
“I noted they didn’t directly ask for higher salaries— overt material requests must have been considered gauche. Instead, their boards featured items like the satisfaction of helping younger coworkers, learning from their mentors, or, in Nikki’s case, revamping her business website. All of these seemed like tasks that could be accomplished without the collaboration of an infinitely powerful universe.” 1
Some pretty sound transportation logic:
“…all plans are male in spirit, just as all boats are female, and helicopters possess the souls of mischievous children.”
Philosophical notes on flying:
“Flight was suspended animation, a period in which a person was exempt from obligation, cut off from the grounded world.”
And, if none of that convinced you that this book could be worth 4 stars, this blurb from the author’s acknowledgements really says it all:
“Many books and sources contributed to the writing of this one. Foremost among them is Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick, with which Sky Daddy is in casual conversation.”
Kate Folk, I don’t know what kind of drugs you're on, but please keep taking them. You’re reminding me that the best art is freaky, weird, and more than a little taboo.
Because of you, I will never board a plane the same way again.
Last Thought:
How it feels reading Romantasy
Epilogue
What did you read this month?
Anything I should add to my TBR? Maybe something nice and normal and inoffensive???
At what point does a to-do list become a vision board, and a vision board become a to-do list???