Hyper-Fixation Station
🎵 I’m obsessin', just confess it, put my hands up 🎵
Here we are again on a Sunday morning.
No draft, just vibes.
This essay is the only thing between me and melting in the sun like a granola bar in a hot car.
And, after a straight month of listening to Von dutch on repeat, I have no original thoughts left to give.
Instead, I’m inviting you to park it in my hyper-fixation station: a breakdown of everything I can’t stop blabbering about while I’m supposed to be writing…all aboard!
Kyle MacLachlan’s ‘brat’ summer
More important than my preoccupation with brat, is my preoccupation with Kyle MacLachan’s preoccupation with brat.
This GQ article has changed me. I am so happy for Kyle. I am so happy for us to witness this version of Kyle. I’m overjoyed that any 65-year-old man can understand and celebrate the nuance of The girl, so confusing version with lorde (plz trust me and click this link)
Hot, sexy rodent men
Weird-looking dudes are having a moment — or rather, a bigger moment than usual. As written about in Vogue, “Something out there has changed; perhaps rodents have hired banana bread’s PR from the pandemic? Everyone is horny for mice, beaver-whipped, rat-lusting.”
Ask any straight woman about their most shameful celebrity crush, and you’ll learn that butt-ugly men have always held a special place in our hearts. Don’t try to lie your way out of it! Deep down, you know there’s at least one questionable-looking guy that gets you going…It’s a fact of life.
I personally am waiting for the women’s equivalent. Where is bug-eyed girl summer? Femme frog fall? Sweaty bitch spring? I am ready for the rebrand!
The woman singing Chappell Roan songs to newts
This is my new eel pit.
Why is she out there? How did she find so many newts? Do newts like music? Does she need a friend? Can I be that friend?
Something about this video speaks directly to four very specific interests of mine: animals, pop music, education, and being a creepy little weirdo.
The man playing the violin to turtles
Apparently, all I want is to play music to a captivated audience of amphibians and/or reptiles…
Do you think these two know about each other? If not, this is a romcom waiting to happen! Move over Zac Efron and Nicole Kidman (also, ???) — I’m waiting for the musically gifted strangers who meet each other while serenading creatures in the woods movie. Who do I have to talk to get that made?
Tiktok failed to load.
Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browserKaty Perry stinking up a golden era of pop with her terrible new single
At no point have I wanted more from Katy Perry. Post-Left Shark, I was happy for her to be the throwback pop artist of grocery stores and suburban radio. This new single (which I will not link out of respect for my readers), is not good, not cool, and definitely not helping me see her any differently
Hunter Harris (as usual) said it best
“…through some bog witch’s curse, Perry is stuck in the vortex of that year [2016], deadset on making an empowerment anthem with Dr. Luke, a man who spent nearly a decade in lawsuits and counter suits over Kesha’s allegation that he drugged and raped her.
Kesha, on the other hand, is having the comeback of my teenage dreams! Everyone go support her!
Death Cab for Cutie vs. The Black-Eyed Peas
While we’re on the topic of 2000s pop, this Instagram post is a stark reminder that we’ll never know if we’re on the right side of history…
AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders
This Netflix show has captivated me. The athleticism is incredible. The cult vibes are high. The kicks are higher. The shorts are…not really shorts? I am worried about every dancer’s mental health, food habits, and pelvis in equal measure…. This is a must-watch.
The woman teaching herself to do a gainer
Another hyper-specific social media series! She is currently on Part 7, and I love this journey. I’m rooting for her. She is inspiring me to pick an outlandish physical activity to learn and document. Maybe an aerial? What do y’all think?
Tiktok failed to load.
Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browserWhere Is All The Sad Boy Literature, Esquire
An interesting article about the lack of male voices in contemporary coming-of-age stories. Get these men on Substack! “…the problem is that things angled toward men are all geared toward self-improvement, not vulnerability.”
Jon Arbuckle, Garfield’s owner
Speaking of vulnerable men…A new Garfield movie is coming out (possibly already out?), and I am once again reminded of the most profound art series in existence “Garfield minus Garfield”
Hanging Thoughts:
What’s been on your mind and in your newsfeed?
Any ideas on what I should write about next? Plz help👇
On the “Wrong side of history” theme: Bandwagonesque beating out Nevermind (although Norman Blake enjoys making regular jokes about it)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bandwagonesque